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Apr. 26th, 2021 09:26 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hungryghostsa perhaps unpopular opinion: it is important to allow people to choose, themselves, whether to call themselves plural, regardless of how Obviously Plural their experiences may or may not be
more and more, we are somewhat disenchanted with how plurality, the concept, is being entangled with the notions of plurality, the community. it seems that by calling yourself plural, you immediately become subject to a variety of demands. to determine and declare your trauma history, or lack thereof; to explain your suffering, or lack thereof, in gruesome detail; to submit yourself to be Sorted into an arbitrary -genic camp; to memorize and regurgitate ever-expanding vocabulary lists...
perhaps these are unspoken demands, but these ideas have become so prevalent that they have become demands, nonetheless. even we, several times removed from the community and spurning -genic words, feel their weight. in our time wandering outside the community and meeting questioning possibly-plurals, the thing that was most useful for them to hear was reassurance that whether to call themselves plural or not was *their* decision - that their experiences would still exist regardless of what terms were applied to it. that they were allowed to rest in their experiences without making Choices about what they were or weren't. that there was language if they wanted it, but that they were also free to find their own, or to embrace undefinability.
(this post brought to you by vague dissatisfaction over how many plural "101" resources contain long vocabulary lists of various -genic labels)
(also, hello, sorry for not being around for so long. we've been hovering around the higher levels of the emotional pain scale thanks to work. still figuring out what to do about it! but in the meantime we have disappeared into Games)
more and more, we are somewhat disenchanted with how plurality, the concept, is being entangled with the notions of plurality, the community. it seems that by calling yourself plural, you immediately become subject to a variety of demands. to determine and declare your trauma history, or lack thereof; to explain your suffering, or lack thereof, in gruesome detail; to submit yourself to be Sorted into an arbitrary -genic camp; to memorize and regurgitate ever-expanding vocabulary lists...
perhaps these are unspoken demands, but these ideas have become so prevalent that they have become demands, nonetheless. even we, several times removed from the community and spurning -genic words, feel their weight. in our time wandering outside the community and meeting questioning possibly-plurals, the thing that was most useful for them to hear was reassurance that whether to call themselves plural or not was *their* decision - that their experiences would still exist regardless of what terms were applied to it. that they were allowed to rest in their experiences without making Choices about what they were or weren't. that there was language if they wanted it, but that they were also free to find their own, or to embrace undefinability.
(this post brought to you by vague dissatisfaction over how many plural "101" resources contain long vocabulary lists of various -genic labels)
(also, hello, sorry for not being around for so long. we've been hovering around the higher levels of the emotional pain scale thanks to work. still figuring out what to do about it! but in the meantime we have disappeared into Games)
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Date: 2021-04-27 12:41 am (UTC)And theres even cases where like, I don't care about having a word for that. What do you call a cis dude who lives in a trans dude's head? A cis dude.
--Hikaru
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Date: 2021-04-27 01:50 am (UTC)At the end of the day, we think that labels should be options, not expectations. Folks should be able to try them out and use them if they want, and to not use those labels if they don't want to. There's this huge expectation in some corners of the plural community to use specific labels regardless of whether someone wants to or not, and there's a sense that people aren't allowed to decide what to call themselves. It's a useful tool when choice is given, but it's stopped feeling like a choice in a lot of spaces and has become as expected as giving someone your name. Heck, a lot of introduction formats we've come across in chats required origin and other labels to be listed, which was... yikes. No thanks.
We could ramble on about this for a bit, but it's a significant part of why we don't use a lot of community terminology if we can help it. It's not a helpful tool for us anymore, just a bunch of expectations.
Hope the emotional pain scale goes down, that's never pleasant.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-28 07:46 pm (UTC)But I also don't want to pressure folks to feel they have to join this stupid shark tank! Especially since I know so many folks who're midcont, mediant, was-multi-but-then-the-other-guy-jetted, or one the soulbonding side who feel they aren't ALLOWED to see themselves as plural, lest they taint our pristine privy pool, when no, that's not how it should be!
Blaaargh. Your opinion is strong and meritful. I just hate that this is even a problem. (See also: how trans, once an umbrella term, now seems to have just become the next "transsexual".)
Rogan
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Date: 2021-06-01 04:30 am (UTC)YEAH, we fully agree with you on not wanting to let the assholes claim the asylum, which is a big part of why we still loudly pronounce ourselves as plural and keep using "system" even though we actually much rather prefer "collective" or "(internal) household." The fuck is with words shrinking in the wash?
Also, confession... we find it lowkey frustrating that nonbinary no longer seems to be counted under the trans umbrella by default? Like we find ourselves actually having to say explicitly to people that we are nonbinary AND trans? And we don't want to like, take out our frustration on our fellow nonbinary people because again, we understand where they're coming from for many of the same reasons we've outlined in this post, but again: why the fuck do words keep shrinking in the wash??? WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH PEOPLE'S DETERMINATION TO TURN EVERY IDENTITY INTO A SUPER EXCLUSIVE MEMBERS-ONLY CLUB ARGH
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Date: 2021-06-01 03:29 pm (UTC)Seriously, back in my day, trans covered "cis" gender nonconforming people, like Mac would be, because transphobes with tire irons don't care about the intricacies and intrigues of queer identity politics. And now I run into "nonbinary isn't trans" and I'm just like ??? And also finding folks arguing that nonbinary means something completely different than I thought?
And it just kinda makes me feel alone. Like, I know solidarity often doesn't truly exist but at the same time, the big brolly words are the only ones I ever felt like I fit under. Which is more about my damage than other folks.
Rogan
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Date: 2021-06-01 03:39 pm (UTC)We've started weeding "system" from our words, because while it's a correct word, I don't want every plural to require a crash course in systems theory. (And because I'm trying to talk about plural stuff in everyday language, not academic.) But we ourself have only ever been Loony-Brain or LB Lee in adulthood, and have never added a word after it to selves-define.
In childhood, though, we called ourself the Family, and we've considered using calling ourselves the Loony-Brain Family, should we ever reach a point of okayness with the word.
Rogan