It would solve a lot of problems if people could not fall prey to this particular flavor of spiral, but so it goes.
I've been having semi-related woes recently, in that a newcomer/returnee to a social space I'm in has been deep in a similar pit, so concerned with being able to Contribute to conversations that even normal social bumps (disinterest in their topic, a mild disagreement) will lead to a minor collapse. Other folks have already given perspective and advice, so they're at least turning it around a little. But yeah, tying one's sense of self-worth to a 100% batting average when the thing you're doing will have a normal ambient failure rate will wreck you badly. It's so important to be both realistic about your own capabilities as a person *and* the circumstances you're in. Otherwise a totally ordinary and expectable bad outcome will have you ripping into yourself for no reason.
Also to wrap it back to the plurality part. If you wouldn't take a singlet to task for like, failing to keep their composure under extreme duress, or failing to successfully navigate a tricky social situation, or failing to help a friend out of a depressive spiral - you really shouldn't be staking your own right to exist over doing the same. A failure is just a failure and not an indictment against your right to exist.
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timeasmymeasure
Would that thinking beings did not have to trouble themselves with purpose
Date: 2024-10-10 04:54 pm (UTC)I've been having semi-related woes recently, in that a newcomer/returnee to a social space I'm in has been deep in a similar pit, so concerned with being able to Contribute to conversations that even normal social bumps (disinterest in their topic, a mild disagreement) will lead to a minor collapse. Other folks have already given perspective and advice, so they're at least turning it around a little. But yeah, tying one's sense of self-worth to a 100% batting average when the thing you're doing will have a normal ambient failure rate will wreck you badly. It's so important to be both realistic about your own capabilities as a person *and* the circumstances you're in. Otherwise a totally ordinary and expectable bad outcome will have you ripping into yourself for no reason.
Also to wrap it back to the plurality part. If you wouldn't take a singlet to task for like, failing to keep their composure under extreme duress, or failing to successfully navigate a tricky social situation, or failing to help a friend out of a depressive spiral - you really shouldn't be staking your own right to exist over doing the same. A failure is just a failure and not an indictment against your right to exist.