hungryghosts: A creature composed of many masks upon one shadowy body draped in a red fabric. (Default)
[personal profile] hungryghosts
In the process of figuring out our personal Weird Shit, we've been spending more time around the kin, plural, and other "fringe" communities. And predictably, we've run into a bunch of stuff that seriously jeeves us out.

What jeeved us even more was what felt like a LOT of people defending said jeeve-y, skeevy stuff, by lumping said stuff in with stuff that's Weird but not inherently skeevy, and implying that if you're cool with Weird But Not Inherently Skeevy Stuff you should be cool with the Weird And Inherently Skeevy Stuff Too. (Or else you're as Bad as all those mean people who hate on Weird But Not Inherently Skeevy Stuff.)

So you believe in otherkin and fictionkin? Now you have to believe it's perfectly okay to literally identify as another extant, living, breathing person on this Earth, down to claiming to have their memories!

So you believe in spiritual plurality? Now you have to believe this person who says that their headmate is totally your headmate's twin flame from another life, bro.

Wait, you don't? YOU UTTER HYPOCRITE, YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER, YOU'RE MARGINALIZED TOO.

I wonder if it's just another manifestation of the Five Geek Social Fallacies: http://www.plausiblydeniable.com/opinion/gsf.html But instead of individual people, it's beliefs and ideas. Instead of "Friends Accept Me As I Am" it's "Good People Accept People As They Are" and instead of "Friendship is Transitive" it's "Acceptance is Transitive."

And like the original Geek Social Fallacies, it's so icky because it's all based on legitimate, reasonable concepts that have been taken to an unreasonable extreme. Acceptance, including of Weird People, is important, and insofar as it's possible to define Good, a generally Good Thing. But we shouldn't be accepting things just because it's Good To Accept Things - before we say "well, it's not hurting anyone," we should take a close look at the thing and understand if it's actually hurting or not hurting people first. (And if it is hurting or not hurting people, whether that's an intrinsic quality of the thing or a matter of the culture surrounding it or... these things get messy, but that's another ramble.)

I dunno. As time goes on, we just get more and more uncomfortably aware of the antipatterns that pervade all these communities we ostensibly belong to. For all the talking and word-making people do, I feel like the progress we can make will always be limited as long as these underlying patterns persist. We have to learn how to actually respect boundaries and treat each other right, not just THEORIZE about treating each other right. And unfortunately, it seems like people care a lot more about the idea than they do the practice.

Date: 2020-02-28 09:40 pm (UTC)
lb_lee: A happy little brain with a bandage on it, enclosed within a circle with the words LB Lee. (Default)
From: [personal profile] lb_lee
Yuuup, that. We're working on essays about that, in hopes of bringing some of these unspoken, unconsidered antipatterns (which I'm pretty sure propagate BECAUSE they're reflexive autopilot) into the light so they can be dealt with better.

One on the to-do list is Plurality and Personhood. :p

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hungryghosts: A creature composed of many masks upon one shadowy body draped in a red fabric. (Default)
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