(no subject)

[hungryghosts]

(crossposting a thing I wrote in Discord so I don't lose it)

Was working on our "am I plural" guide but now I'm distracted by the thought of writing a "this is how we do emotional regulation as a system" essay

I feel like a lot of emotional regulation in systems keeps being "designate one headmate as the Omelas kid/icky emotion holder and then suppress them" and it bothers me

Off of the top of my head, I can think of a few points that I want to cover...

• Emphasizing that thoughtcrime is not real and that your actions are what matter - you are not Bad for having messy thoughts and feelings (maybe link DBT stuff on radical acceptance of emotions?)
• My personal step-by-step strategy for emotional regulation: commit to not acting in the moment, identify the emotion, identify the cause of the emotion, validate the emotion, identify what the most productive action is, take the action
• Maybe also a bit on harm reduction and gradual progress - emphasize that it's okay to not be able to do all of this off the bat
• Ways that being plural can assist with emotional regulation: acting as "spotters" for each other (and practices to make sure everyone stays in contact during these moments), switching (but with caveats), imposed hugs
• Appendix of further reading for DBT resources, social skills, IFS, and other related topics

Comments

[mackerelgray]

Adding on, it definitely helps us to not have a Designated Caregiver along with the Designated Sufferer - like, I still tend to comfort my partner when they're anxious, and they tend to feel more anxiety at the point we're at, but I'm helping them out because I want to, and we're not meshing our selfhoods together with The One Who's Always Scared OR The One Who's Never Scared. Usually, if you're people, you'll feel a wide range of emotions!

--Gavin

[hungryghosts]

Also extremely important to note down, thank you!