(no subject)

[hungryghosts]

(crossposting a thing I wrote in Discord so I don't lose it)

Was working on our "am I plural" guide but now I'm distracted by the thought of writing a "this is how we do emotional regulation as a system" essay

I feel like a lot of emotional regulation in systems keeps being "designate one headmate as the Omelas kid/icky emotion holder and then suppress them" and it bothers me

Off of the top of my head, I can think of a few points that I want to cover...

• Emphasizing that thoughtcrime is not real and that your actions are what matter - you are not Bad for having messy thoughts and feelings (maybe link DBT stuff on radical acceptance of emotions?)
• My personal step-by-step strategy for emotional regulation: commit to not acting in the moment, identify the emotion, identify the cause of the emotion, validate the emotion, identify what the most productive action is, take the action
• Maybe also a bit on harm reduction and gradual progress - emphasize that it's okay to not be able to do all of this off the bat
• Ways that being plural can assist with emotional regulation: acting as "spotters" for each other (and practices to make sure everyone stays in contact during these moments), switching (but with caveats), imposed hugs
• Appendix of further reading for DBT resources, social skills, IFS, and other related topics

Comments

[wobblegong]

You don't require my agreement but the force of my frowning moves me to validate that "I feel like a lot of emotional regulation in systems keeps being "designate one headmate as the Omelas kid/icky emotion holder and then suppress them" and it bothers me" SHOULD be bothersome! That is not a good idea. That sounds like something a therapist would tell you not to do 5 minutes into the first session! Mathing this out as any headcount:

• "As a singlet, I will devise a box to put all my icky emotions in and then suppress them" Nooooo! Bad! This sounds like an Opposite Day parody of how to deal with emotions!
• "As a system, I will pick out one headmate to hold all the icky emotions and then tell them to suppress the icky emotions" Doing this TO another person sounds even worse!!

Obviously desperate survival tactics are the purview of the desperate and I'm not going to go around piling on suffering people. But I felt myself assuming the "goobbue says Oh No" pose as I read that line.

Your other items sound very useful and interesting! Sending you good wishes and energy to get them written down. ♥